First of all, it’s been a few months since my last post.
Why?
Well, between work, my new boyfriend and going out with new friends, it’s been a hectic winter season for me.
But back to my blog…
So the last time I wrote I was stressing about the way I felt for my boyfriend. I used the word besotted (and yes, I still am!). I had loads of questions running around in my head about if I were going in too fast and should I just “roll with it.” Well, I did “roll with it…” but only for a little while until my feelings completely took over me. I had to tell him the way I felt. I loved him and wanted to scream it from the rooftops! So I did…
The next twenty four hours were hard. He never said it back. He told me that it wasn’t as if he wouldn’t ever, it just takes him longer to get to that place and that he finds it difficult to trust people. He wanted to be sure and not to say anything that he didn’t 100% believe. I guess when I look back, that was a very brave and considerate thing to admit. He basically told me in a nutshell that if he did ever tell me, it would be because he was completely in love with me. At the time though, it felt like someone had ripped out my heart. I was so hurt, I didn’t even know if there was a future there because I wasn’t sure I could handle being with someone who didn’t feel the same. I sought out help from my mother. Her words were simple. Slow down, enjoy your time together and at least you know where each other are. I took some time to truly think about those words and finally took the courage to talk with him and give things the chance to see if the relationship could work. So I tried my hardest to put it to the back of my mind and have fun. Couldn’t be that difficult??
Weeks went by, nothing. No hint. Nothing. I started to find each day harder. I wanted to tell him I loved him every day but I just couldn’t face not having those three words reciprocated. It was emotionally draining and tough. The point came when I had to say something, I was hurting and unhappy, I needed to know if there was anything there worth fighting for. So we talked over a few days about everything. How he was feeling, how I was feeling. The conclusion, he was worried that we were coming to the end because of my unhappiness. That definitely wasn’t what I wanted. So I compromised with my feelings and asked him to open up more and let me get to know him better. And so he did.
Over Christmas I went back to my parents for a few days. I have to say, leaving him behind did not feel right at all! I got teary on the bus as I left him at the station. He had told me that he wished I didn’t have to go. I wished that he had come with me. Those three days made me appreciate what we had even more than I already did. I didn’t care if it took him another year to tell me he loved me, I just wanted him in my life no matter what. For Christmas he’s taking me to Paris at the end of the month and I am so grateful for such a generous gift, saying those three words back didn’t seem important anymore.
The run up to new year was quite something. Something had changed about him. All of a sudden he was more open with his emotions, telling me he was glad I was back, hugging me all the time and I felt a change in our dynamics. We were more clicked and in tune with each other. Then one night as we were watching the telly, I got what I wanted.
“I do love you”
The best way to start off a new year.
2012 – The Year of the Beginning of a New Chapter (Real Love)
I feel my blog will take a turn from men and relationships into maturing into a much more savvy woman. So watch this space!
xLx
lauragoingsolo 